underneath the willow tree

              

 In the wilderness is where you'll find me,

getting lost in a place I feel most found 

walking here and all around.

dancing under the large willow tree with the faeries I'll be

this is the place I feel most free.

you'll find me near the lagoon, bathing in the sun's rays 

soaking in the sun because life's a haze.

together we'll cleanse each other and wash the day away

underneath the willow tree, we'll kiss until the skies are gray.

~

When I grow up...

 When I grow up I want to be a:

model

journalist

business owner 

creator.

I'm turning 20 in 15 days and to be completely honest, all I want to be is free.

Free from society's standards of having life figured out,

free from the guilt of being in America while my family is in the Philippines,

free from my 9-5, 

free from the anxiety and heal the depression that consumes me. 

When we were younger we wished of becoming extraordinary people, 

that was before we met fear and anxiety.

We grow up so quickly that we forget to slow down sometimes.

We forget to allow ourselves to do the things younger us would love to do like:

go star gazing under a starry night with someone special

spray paint a train

break into an abandoned amusement park

prank someone 

do a social experiment and help the homeless

kiss a stranger for the hell of it

put your head out the window while you're going through a tunnel

We have been consumed by life's demands that we forget to take a step back and just breathe.

2022

 This year...

I'll become the woman I envision in my head when I was 17, to be in touch with my divine feminine.

I will learn to heal my traumas through healing my inner child's heart. 

This year, when the days come, I'll allow love to come in.

I'll allow myself to feel vulnerable at the hands of another, to be taken care of this time; in the ways, people do when their significant lover is one of the reasons you learn to grow in love, rather than in love.

 Because when you grow in love, you teach each other the ways you've been taught to love, the only way you knew how to love, and the way you learn to hold each other accountable when things aren't working out. This year I'll love myself as I've shown love for others. I'll take care of my body by only allowing high vibrational people to surround me, watching who enters my body and filling my belly with nourishing meals. 

I'll work my ass off to achieve financial stability and invest in my mind. I'll challenge myself to learn every day, whether it be a lesson or a session, I'm willing to adjust to the changes it takes for me to get there. 

Change can be scary, it can be uncomfortable and uneasy. But growth isn't necessarily easy either. 

I will become more self-disciplined with my time and with my money.

As I'm building my temple, I'll acknowledge the importance of patience, how it can become the greatest teacher.

I'll begin to romanticize life.